it's a wrap!

just another manic monday…

stop running, stop hiding

Call it an epiphany (I didn’t even realize I know the word till I needed to write it!), call it a revelation, call it what you may. A realization, maybe.

Whenever I get heartaches, people hurt me, I shy away, I turn around and I walk away. I psych-talk myself into thinking and feeling its not that big a deal, do not make a scene. Just quietly slip away.

I have been doing that all my life. And in the past, I grew to resent the people I am with because I hid so much of my hurts, my disappointments, my I’m-not-ok-with-this from them.

It became a habit to ask for those emotions to be taken away, it became a habit to tiptoe around things I love because I was afraid to lose them, afraid that once they see how much they mean to me, they turn tail and sprint the other way. It became a habit to always, always hold back.

Yes, I am disappointed, I am hurt. It feels like a knife is being stuck into my heart and twisted intentionally, slowly. Almost to a physical pain.

This time, I am not going to run anymore. I am going to stand my ground and I am going to face it. Face my heart and what it’s really feeling. No running away, no hiding. No more.

It’s time to face it.

Source of Inspiration

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Sometimes you never know when something you do encourages inspires someone.
But I know many a times when i have been inspired by the people I know.

What a Wonderful World

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熟一餐给自己。
Cooking is therapeutic.
I might have scoffed at this a few weeks back, even yesterday. But today, I found it interesting that I should consider it a reasonable saying.
What a Wonderful World is beckoning to me. I think I will not get any rest until I break her down to pieces and understand what she is made of. So before setting down to mug for the test, I shall put to rest these restlessness of the Wonderful World.

Everything happens for a reason

Someone dear to me recently said this to me. 

It reaffirms my belief that nothing is ever a coincidence. 

Although I know this, it is generally hard to accept when something doesn’t work out according to plan. And last year, especially in the last quarter of 2013, things get so screw-y and twisted that I felt like I was caught in a whirlwind twice over. 

October was Wave 1. But I learnt such a valuable lesson that I almost (grudgingly) admitted that it was not a bad thing that the plan got screwed up.

I learnt things about myself, abilities and dreams started bubbling up in me. 

Dreams that I never would’ve dared dream had things not happened as they had. 

Sure, it was not at all what I had expected. 

Sure, it caused me tears and grief. 

December, December, December. 

The days were short, but when I thought back to the possibility that those few short days were not even supposed to happen. 

Those glorious short lived days, so fun filled and filled with joy that I will not exchange them for pretty much anything, except maybe a month of them! =)

Music

I have a group of people I should thank. It’s been many moons since I last sang and played.
Somewhere in the chaos and humdrum of daily slog and life, the notes, the rhythm just got left behind.
Maybe I told her once too many times, that I was busy, that I didn’t have time for her. Eventually her calls got softer. And I haven’t heard them in a long time.
Recently, I began to hear music again, felt the passion stirring in the little corners of my heart. Felt the sweetness when I caressed the smooth taut wood.
I begin to hear the notes, cadences and lilting melodies amidst the hustle and bustle of life. I began to hear music again, once I started to listen.
😉

Heart of a father

Early morning, before the mall started to get crazy with people thronging its floors, we sat with our mugs of steaming coffee and danishes.
The lone grand piano sat at the podium, having a quiet moment before the pianist comes.
A little girl dressed in a tartan skirt, ballerina tights and sweet white sweater danced around the deserted podium, her father keeping his eyes on her.
With a smile, she beckoned a father to come dance!
He clumsily pirouetted and walked like a penguin, to the daughter’s squeals of laughter.
We sat, watching the short, sweet little pantomime, laughter bubbling.
The father and daughter was never aware how much pleasure and how much they brighten up our days, just by simply enjoying each other on a bright sunny morning in an empty podium.

Get up, dress up, show up

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up for life — Regina Brett
This is a tough one to adhere to when one feels like crap. I just want to wallow in this pile of blankets, fall into a dreamless sleep the whole weekend and not think about how I screwed everything up you know? I just want to forget, and yet I keep hearing this still small voice telling me, “Kid, I made you better than this.” And I go, “Oh really? Watch me prove You wrong!”
In the end, after the warm tears are done trickling down my cheeks, after I have turned every possible thought over in my mind and came to the same conclusion that, life goes on, I do get up, dress up and show up for life. I am sure Ms. Brett would have approved.