it's a wrap!

just another manic monday…

Archive for October, 2009


Gasp! It works…when I update my status in Facebook, it shows up here! Wee…this is interesting. Now let’s try posting and see if FB shows it. Ha!

I’ve been like a little dog lately, chasing my own tail. Well, not so little anymore. Half my well wishers for my birthday are calling me woman in their wishes this year. What is it that distinguishes a woman from a girl? Is it her age, is it her mannerisms, is it the dress, is it the way she holds herself, or is it in the way she finds and is comfortable with herself, is it in the way she holds herself and makes decisions, or is it the way she carries herself, finding her niche in this world, pursuing her dreams and finding new goals as she moves up? It is so subtle and yet, when a young girl reaches a certain level of maturity, people seem to sense it. How? The reasoning and thought seems to be as elusive as the wind, one can feel it, but one can never see it.
I’ve been floundering a little lately. I’ve been dissatisfied, scared, insecure, bordering on a mild case of depression and despairing of ever moving on. I was up till today.
People, friends around me have been talking about buying houses, getting married, planning to get married, changing jobs, being promoted…and where am I? In debt, stuck in a rut in my job and loving someone who doesn’t know I do.
What a way to welcome my birthday, it seems that year 2009 is the hardest I’ve to go through yet. And I do not understand. Aren’t I supposed to be a blessed child of God, His favored precious little princess? I am, so does that not mean that I get loads of money and all the favor and all the love? I thought so. I did.
Until I finally get the meaning of the phrase, “God’s not interested in the outcome; He’s interested in the process.” He wants me to learn how to handle problems, messiness, tackiness, trouble, insecurities. He wants me to learn how to overcome, to come out a better person, whether I am the winner or not, He wants me to learn grace, forgiveness, kindness, to develop my sense of compassion and character. *smacks forehead! Now why didn’t I realize that earlier? I must have heard a thousand and one sermons preached on this. Well, maybe not a thousand, that was an exaggeration, but I have heard quite a few sermons on this topic in my day.

Now, what? I read some work I had written in the past 2 years and I came across part of the lyrics of a song I heard at Easter this year.
“God is too great to be mistaken; God is good to be unkind. When you don’t understand, when you don’t see His plan, when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.”
*smacks forehead again.
It was as if a burden, a heavy, heavy load was lifted up off my heart. I was sobbing, you didn’t know, you didn’t know how confused I was. Here I was carrying this heavy load here, and crying out to you for your deliverance and all I got was silence. How hard it was to bear. I wasn’t sure He was going to get me out of this.
And I forgot, I literally forgot what the character of my God is. The part that struck me was, He’s too good to be unkind, and I’ve thought Him to be unkind, many times. I’ve asked him why did He let me suffer like this, why did He leave me to plod along like this.
Yes, I don’t see His plan, and I do not understand, I can’t trace His hand in all these. Why would He allow me to be bullied, why would He allow me to burden my parents, why would He allow me to carry the heartache of unrequited love? Why?
But the last phrase captures the essence of why I still believe in God. “Trust His heart.” At the heart of the matter, God whom I am able to call my God is good. If He is not good, what hope do I have? Therefore, it comes back to this, this one sentence that lifts me up again.
Now I know for sure, maybe a better word would be the word: realize. Yes, I realize now that God will not leave me to flounder for very long, but He did leave me for a little while, maybe to develop me, maybe to mold me. But He will take me through this, and I will be promoted, He will remove the obstacles or He will give me something better, I know so. The simple reason being, I’m His daughter and He loves me.

I was losing confidence in ever being loved in return. I don’t see His plans, I can’t trace His hand, and I sure as the weather is chilly don’t understand! But it comes back to this. Trust His heart. Trust in the Father heart.

Photos courtesy of:-

Earl Grey

Ahh, Earl Grey, my mom’s favourite flavor. It’s got a little citrusy smell that perks you up and is great even without sugar. It’s a beverage that goes well with cakes and sandwiches alike, say afternoon tea and you wouldn’t go amiss with a cup of Earl Grey.

I read something online recently that is entitled, 12 signs he’s into you. And some of the things uttered were really amusing. Some just sweet. Like the one below.

He texts you back in two seconds.
“A flirt buddy of mine always texts me cute little notes throughout the day. And he responds to me ASAP!”
—Jan Marsh, 33, Brooklyn

He indulges you.
“My husband walks two blocks to Starbucks for my coffee every morning. I’m not sure if he does it because he loves me or because he’s afraid of me before I have coffee, but it makes my day.”
—Jessica Lane Van Nest, 26, Norfolk, Va.

He’s known to treat you like a lady.
“I love it when my guy opens my car door, walks on the outside of the sidewalk and shields me from the snow—chivalry is not dead.”
—Mandi Katherine, 27, Chicago

He likes you better as is.
“My boyfriend likes my blond eyelashes so much that he hates when I wear that ‘eye stuff’ commonly known as mascara.”
—Emily Samuels, 23, Atlanta

50AHe takes one for the team.
“My guy sometimes has tea with me at one of those froufrou tea houses where the china;and sandwiches are tiny and there are flowers on everything. All the women are wearing nice outfits, and there he is in his Bqtman shirt.”
—Crystal Maynard, 31, Belcamp, Md.

He likes to show you off.
“^ow that I’ve graduated from med school, I love the proud look on my husband’s face when he introduces me to puople and tells them I’m a doctor.”
—Janette McVey, 26, Columbia, Mo.

He believes in your dreams.
“When I talk about plans to focus on my career and not stay home when I have kids, my boyfriend says he’ll totally be Mr. Mom. He fully believes in my ability to support a family in the same way he could.”
—Kristin Koch, 26, Park City, Utah

I wonder how I would name my husband-to-be. I’ve had the high school sweetheart, I’ve had the not available man, I’ve had the younger man, I’ve met some players,I’ve almost had the long distance, I’ve had the 50 first dates man.

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Rusty…rust…rustic- adjective, color, adjective
Interesting, now that came out of nowhere. Ha! I just mean to pick up the pen, or in this case, sit and dash off a few paragraphs worth of memories in this month of October year 2009.
Got an early birthday celebration from the kids. Nowadays been feeling a tad old, yes more to do with having so many kids. But the early celebration made me feel so loved.
The few of them got together and prepared a lovely surprise for me and Sa, one of my friends and fellow “elder-lies” in church. At first I was apprehensive, because they kept telling me to let them know when we arrive and refusing to let me go into the restaurant first.
When Cartoon came out to get me after I called them when I arrived at Alexis, he escorted me in. And they had booked the private function room. I glimpsed tealights making up a big heart shape through the filmy curtains. It was beautiful! I think I went a littel shriek-y then. Haha, bet nobody told them I love tealights and candles, the warm glow of them. Well, it kind of makes me oozy, melts me up right inside.
The candles were surrounding my name in red sparkly Christmas tree twined around wire. They filmed the entire bordering on hysterical phenomena, and I told Aloy if he ever makes it public, I will cheerfully strangle and beat him up. That would be one hell of an embarrasing video. Well, I made my wish, which probably sounded like mumbo-jumbo to God when He hears, because I couldn’t quite gather my thoughts. They were playing hop scotch about my brains. I was presented with a long stemmed rose, by Cartoon completed with silver ribbon and a silver bracelet tied on my wrist by Ahlien.Alright, that process came with another tricky situation. I was afraid they were going to put furry stuff or clammy stuff onto my hand. Call it paranoia…well.
We had a lovely dinner and a lovely bumbling time with a bottle of Cabernet Shiraz. But the most important thing was not our lack of finesse but the heart, their romantic and loveing hearts towards us, that just about brought tears to my eyes. Maybe it’s due to the fact that its been a long long time since someone put so much thought into celebrating my birthday and making it special.
But thank you. All who participated in making my birthday this year a really special one. Ada, Aloy, Afred, Alien, Cartoon, boss, lady boss, Sa.