it's a wrap!

just another manic monday…

Archive for September, 2010

Of sun bathing

Whoops, holiday’s over L

A day of brainstorming on Friday, getting up earlier than going to work is not really the best thing, I was grouchy for a bit as I had worked till quite late on Thursday. After that, I was alone for dinner. I wondered what to have, heroically tried looking for the shortcut that we came from, and promptly got lost among the hills of a village.

I called it a village for lack of a better word. A small town could describe it as well. It was a hilly area, surrounded by trees; little picturesque houses dotted the slopes, with small narrow lanes winding through the sides. It was balmy evening and there were youngsters playing soccer in the public playground, families were going out for the evening meal together. There were restaurants in chock a block amidst the houses. It was not surprising to suddenly come across a Chinese eatery or two in the middle of a row of houses.

Well, I gave up in the end because I kept going around in circles and all I did was end up among the trees, narrow lanes and residential area all over. Now I know how it feels to be lost in the woods! It’s rather frustrating.

I wondered what to have for dinner. I debated with myself whether I should have chicken rice or pack something soup-y back or indulge and get some fast food. Nothing seemed to appeal to me. Curiously, the idea of tuna and crackers popped into mind. So I stopped at a supermarket on the way back. I felt restless and aimless. So I walked to get some seaweed snacks to go with my “meal”.

I went home and settled down to finish up the Cantonese series I was watching. It’s one of those rare days when my sister was around too. It was a total veg-out night, and a very good, sound sleep! 🙂

I was quite reluctant to wake up in the morning. My sister decided to be healthy all of a sudden and poke and prodded me to go swimming or jogging. Jogging? In the parking lot? What enthusiasm…nope, I am not doing that! 😛

And so…the story went on to say that we went swimming, at noon. It was not a very hot day, the sun was mellow. After slathering on sun block we went down, dunked ourselves under the cold shower and my sister walked with purpose into the water. I dipped my feet into the water, it was cold!

My sister started swimming her laps, and reluctant to get in, I dangled my legs in the water, sitting on the sun warmed slabs of stone beside the pool. The stone was warm! Experimentally, I took my legs out of the water and stretched it out on the stones, hey, feels nice. Gingerly I inched myself down onto the stones, ahh…feels good on my back, but the sun was shining in my face! Flipped over, much better… I finally understood the lure and pleasures of sun-bathing.

That experiment lasted for all of 10 minutes. Hey, it is a noon day sun! 🙂

Plopped into the water and lazily swam a dozen laps.

My sister’s other half got a craving for McDonalds’ triple Decker, 3 pieces of meat and 3 pieces of cheese. I had a different kind of sun bathing then. I stood under the hot sun going yackety-yak a mile a minute. After which I decided I wanted chicken rice for lunch, packed it and went home, to study!

I am getting on. I am…just a few more chapters to go. As of now, I only have the last chapter left and the appendixes. As for how much I can remember of those I read, well, I hope it is not an entire waste of my time.

Beer-y Good

I caught up with a few friends yesterday from high school. I always marvel at the fact that I have known these ladies (whom I used to call girls, but am afraid that term no longer applies to us! Ha! J) for more than a decade! Heck, we’ve left school for more than a decade.

Shucks, I’m getting on in age.

Anyhow, this is the first time I met them since Chinese New Year. (THIS year, in case some happens to wonder which CNY!) Once again, I wonder where time went. The months seemed to have supersonic sound waves, can’t see them, don’t know they have passed me by. Among the 6 of us, 3 of them are planning marriages and 2 of them just bought places.

Honestly, time does not stand still, at all.

News like these should not come as a surprise to me, but somehow the tiniest element of that still exists.

Once again, I say, it’s a small world after all.

One of my friends in the group used to work for my previous landlady, and it is a whole long strand of story. My previous landlady is now married and just gave birth to a baby boy! Wow…and honestly this did not cross my mind!

I discover some things that amaze and boggle me. It was a good session of catching up, lots of laughter and banter, rekindling of somewhat cooled down friendships.  I think I needed that. I have been doing catching ups since I first joined and it is a great thing. I am seeing long lost faces. I’m getting to know who got married, who is getting married, who gave birth, who’s preggies, mostly. Jeez, I am at that age, ain’t I? LOL…

I realized just how wrapped up I was in the situation, sucked into the vortex of a whole different dimension in my previous company. It’s good to be FREE of all that. Yeap, good, good, make that GREAT!

I have come to the conclusion: – The world does not revolve around mine only! 🙂

And the fact that I am in quite a delicious bubble of contentment is that I am going to have 4 days off, starting from 6pm this day! Hahahaha…la di la…


I re-read some old posts that I wrote and marveled at the seemingly similar experiences and moods that I still face to this day from year 2008, 2009 and now 2010.

Just as I brooded darkly on the stagnancy of it, I started writing a new post. As I wrote, thoughts and turn of events came to mind and the words flowed onto the screen. The mood of the piece started to change. More and more discoveries, turn of events float to the surface. As I progressed, I realized that this area of my life is not unlike the old faithful gardener tending the sprigs of blossoms daily, bit by bit, watering, lovingly tending the soil, feeding the new green shoots pushing up from the soil, sheltering them from the harsh winds and rain. The little greens never knew what was happening. Their thoughts were only of their slow growth.

L’mor che move il sole l’atlre stelle

My faithful Father has been working patiently  in the background. Had I not written a piece to vent my nostalgia and my incredulous-ness that on the surface everything seemed to be perfectly the same, I would never have dug deeper. I would never have awakened to mind the underlying currents that have changed. I would never have realized the many cases that have been closed and filed away or the amount of emotional baggage (and luggage) that has been disposed. This serves to clean me up to make space in me.

It is amazing when I think about it now, the dawning of the thought, the realization that I have space. The Father has been getting me ready, freeing me for this, space. I have space. I have space to accommodate once more. Space to accept, space to give, space to share, space to move, space to breathe, space to soar.

I have cleared a valley, a valley where I could not see the end, the deep ravine I was in. For some time, I could only see the clear, blue skies, the lush green mountains and the eagles soaring above. Sometimes in self pity I would stare bitterly at them and lament that I was not a part of it.

And now, I have finally reached the end of the valley and I am now free to experience the blue skies, the lush greens and soar with the eagles without shadows and predators preying on me, without the darkness engulfing me, without the smog choking me.

Could I be, finally, ready?

Attraversiamo – I have crossed over.


It’s a whirlwind!

You know, just when you thought you were settling in, getting into the swing of things, thinking you were going to stay in this particular little rut for say, a few years, and muck around in there, frolicking in the mud for a bit…AHA!

Life throws you a curve ball! Catch!

Would you believe that I have already closed another chapter of my life in less than a year? Well I have, and the new chapter has started. The previous chapter of life was a pretty short one, and it was not really one of those pleasant experiences that one hopes to have in life or any place of work.
I, without a doubt have learned most valuable lessons and gained some really treasure able of friends, but I have also came out of the battle with battle scars.

It is a world of difference; it is almost like a dimensional shift.

I used to feel like I was in a prison or a factory worker. The place was beautiful, a rambling, structure of warm red bricks and black steel edgings. The architecture was graceful, with fields, trees, dogs and tasteful finishing. There were nothing but praises from all who have seen photos of the surroundings and reception yet the place was governed by fear and matriarchs.

It is not unlike the Chinese dynasties of old. The Empress Dowager Tz’i-Hei reigns supreme in her court, with her allies, Prince Gong and Prince Chun.  There is without a doubt that the empress is a very shrewd and talented woman, but she still needs allies as far as ruling the country was concerned. Like the imperial courts of old, it brought about plots, political moves and the stripping of titles and power from loyal ministers of court because of the threat to the higher echelons. I likened it to going to Imperial Court everyday of life, checking every word that is said, avoiding unnecessary confrontations and preparing for attacks.

And so, I decided to look for “citizenship” elsewhere. It is actually amazing how God provided. I got 3 of the 4 jobs that I attended interviews for. However, the job that I finally chose was the last on my list initially. I barely attended the interview, because firstly, it was not the industry that I wanted to be in, second of all, I wanted nothing to do with it, and thirdly, I wanted a change of location.

It seemed like I got what I wanted when one of the companies offered me what I wanted, and the chance to travel to one of my favourite places in the world few times a year, the only drawback was the really slight increase in pay. And so, I tendered my resignation with that offer in hand.

La di da…you would think. Just when I blissfully started thinking what to pack and what to throw away, along comes a call from the least favourite company on the list!

I answered the call from a lady, who is eventually going to be my future boss. She said they were offering me the job, and so I asked in a laid-back manner, (I was all prepared to reject the offer you see! Ha!) How much they were offering. Ahhh, suffice to say, it made me re-think my decision.

I was in a pretty tight spot for a couple of days; I spoke with numerous friends, some colleagues, and parents, family even a pastor!

After the long winded discussions, much soul-searching (ha!) and consideration of the pros and cons, I made my decision to accept the offer of the least on the list. What was that a wise person once said, the last shall be the first?

That’s where I landed and it is a whole different ballgame altogether. The office is very office-like, cramped and without privacy. The working environment is liberal. The location is superb. Whatever you need is within walking distance, food, groceries, make-up, clothes, books, magazines, coffee, banks, telecommunications needs, you name it, they got it. But not for long though! (Sobs) The shift is looming perilously close. I am however determined to enjoy it while it last. Ha!

I could be yearning for a break and walk to the store to buy some junk food and pick up a magazine at 11 o’clock in the morning, I could be bored and sleepy and yearn for coffee and walk to a coffee bar and grab one at 4 o’clock in the afternoon. I could run errands, buy stamps, pay bills, shop for a while, read a few chapters of a book during lunch time!!!

Remind me again, why are we shifting? L I just got used to this place.

Now let’s talk about the hard part, it’s not all a bed of roses, no! I have difficulty adjusting to the fast paced environment and style of working. And all those hierarchical steps! I have problems knowing that I have to handle staff! I know I have had staff before, but but but …it is not only a clerical staff here, it is literally looking at me for directions and I get panic attacks thinking about it. Yes, I am still trying to adjust to the idea here.

I know the logic, I know that this part of progress and I should be honored and I am, I am not being ungrateful and whiny on purpose. I am just panic-king. Have I said it already? Panics!