it's a wrap!

just another manic monday…

Archive for March, 2011

You know when you just know something will be good? And you’re right about it, only much later.
You know when you know something is good and it’s not happening, but you know it’ll be damn good once it happens?
Non comprehendo? Let me try to illustrate.
Many, many years ago, as a child, I knew that I could be good friends with that girl, let’s call her S. She was pretty popular among, just about everybody. Most little girls want to play with her, hop-scotch, skipping ropes, marbles and rice bags. We share most classes together but I was never in her inner circle.
But I knew if we became friends, really friends, we’ll make a good duo.
Into secondary school we go, and we get “houses” that we belong to. The school was trying to forge team spirits in us. Not quite in the Harry Potter league of Gryffindor but I daresay we did cultivate a certain among of loyalty to our various houses. Colors and names belong to these “houses”. Yellow to Nightingale, Blue to Crossby, Green to Victoria and Red to Cavell. We both ran for Nightingale. 4×4 relay.
Can’t believe I used to run? Well, yes, I did. And if memory serves me right, we got a gold medal for it.

We hang out, I enjoy my time with her. She retained her popularity with the teachers and students alike. She was the class monitor and total bad-ass one if ever there was.
After she went to college and I stayed on in 6th form. We lost touch a little bit then. We “found” our friendship back when I first started coming to the city to look my sister up and thereafter look for a job.
Well, cliche as it sounds, our friendship grew from there. And honestly, now I can proudly call her my best friend.

And now back to the question of how a tiny tot knew “deep thoughts” like, I know I could be great friends with this little girl right here. Call it intuition, call it a hunch, call it an impression on me, I just do. And this kind of “knowledge” if it could be termed as such, can’t be shaken. Which is irritating in an un-shake-able-y annoying way.
Because it is not just a feeling, you see, I really do know. And that almost makes it a fact, except that it has not happened yet.
Then, 20 years down the road, we’re firm friends, still laughing irrevently whenever and wherever. Told you we’d be a good duo. πŸ˜‰
And I have the honor now, to be her maid of honor.


Relentlessly pounding in my head over and over again. Thoughts. Arrow sharp, tipped with poison shot at the vulnerable beating heart.
The poison drains me, leaving me curled up, twisted in the sheets and sobbing. Until I drop off to sleep in exhaustion.

My Best Friend’s Wedding

One of my favourite shows, one of her favourite shows. And my best friend (literally) is getting married!
I’ve known the woman from when she was a girl. Since we were tiny tots of 7 to be exact.
That is 2 decades worth of friendship!
15th of January: We were on a way to a friend’s wedding dinner, haevy traffice along Jalan Ampang and I was casually throwing ideas at her where to hold HER wedding dinner. It was all a casual conversation and she wasn’t even taking me seriously.
Exactly one month later, 14th of February, she called me to tell me her boyfriend’s just proposed! Ahh, the pleasure of the unexpected.
Now she is one of those gems of a friend that defines the meaning of “friend” and makes life great! We could be talking about a certain subject and she can correctly interprete my thoughts when I lapse in conversation, rightttt, when I’m silent! It’s hard to describe the level of ease with which we interact. A sense of mutual understanding about how we deal with things. I know it’s cliche. But I am able to completely be myself with her, no defense mechanism, no reservations whatsoever. And that, my friend is what I call the best of friends.
She gets invitations to quite a few weddings and I teased her about it, says that her 人运ε₯½. She attracts people! I am not totally joking about it though. I have always thought that this is one of her best character traits.
Since young, she’s been a favourite of teachers and students alike. She’s naturally gregarious, and people simply liked her company very much. She’s the fiercest defender of those close to her. I appreciate her, very much.
We don’t see each other as often as I would’ve like. Her workload, my workload. But when we do, the friendship picks up right where we left off. No distance, no gaps, no lapse. It’s amazing how that is, makes me value the friendship even more. It’s true that you don’t need a lot of friends, only a few good ones.
I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with her fiance on some occasions and I learn why she fell in love with him. They compliment each other very well. Both quick, witty, generous hearted and totally loves a good laugh!
I’m honoured to be her friend. And her fiance’s got a heck of a good deal in this wife! πŸ™‚

Wishes, good grief!

Wish, according to Wikipedia is a hope or desire for something.

In the spur of a moment, when a person is overtaken by grief might wish for an end to one’s life. Or in a fit of rage, wish the other person would just disappear. Or in unspoken joy, wish that the moment will last forever. Or in tears, wish one never knew the person causing them to flow.

What would have been the outcome, had I chosen not to join the game that fateful night? Maybe a quarrel could’ve happened which prevented me from going. Maybe fatigue could’ve come upon me and I went home.

What would have been the outcome had I not reverted that email?
What would have happened had we not decided to have that lunch?
What would have happened had we not spoken?
What would have happened had we not met?

Just a small tweak of fate. Just that one moment that would have made a difference between knowing another intimately and being mere passers by.
Why do 2 people in this entire universe cross paths?
Why do you end up best of friends with some people, talk nineteen to dozen and just can’t get head or tail of what another is trying to tell you?

What do you know? This entry took a different course as it progressed. Turned it into a muse instead of a post with a single question that simply says.
“I kinda wish I never met you.”

But whenever I think this thought, I can’t really bring myself to believe it. If there was a button for me to push to erase all the memories, all those tears, all those hurts, the neglect and rejection I felt, will I gladly press down?
With my hand poised over it, a montage of other memories which will disappear along with those slowly paraded through my mind.

The heartwarming words, the thoughtfulness, the camarederie, the joy, the banter, the security, the trust, the steadfastness and the sureness which I have never found with anyone else.

And I realized that I couldn’t bring myself to press down on that button after all. Just one little push and it’s all gone. I can’t. Can’t bring myself to do it. To forget everything. Was it worth it? I would like to think so. Is it worth taking this risk, knowing that the future is so volatile and unsure? Maybe.

Destiny grants us our wishes, but in its own way, in order to give us something beyond our wishes.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Destiny has two ways of crushing us – by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them.
Henri Frederic Amiel

We all have our own life to pursue, our own kind of dream to be weaving, and we all have the power to make wishes come true, as long as we keep believing.
Louisa May Alcott

When you love someone all your saved up wishes start coming out.
Elizabeth Bowen

Where there is great love, there are always wishes.
Willa Cather

Free flow of Coffee

That is so cool! Go down, grab one whenever you feel like it. It feels your personal coffee bar.
But that’s when you realize you cannot take more than a few cups a day!
Unless you like heart palpitations and caffeine overdose. It’s not a nice feeling at all, you’re on edge, nervous. You want to sleep but you can’t because whenever you close your eyes, you’re tired but your brain’s in overdrive, thoughts tumble through them at such an amazing speed.
The after effects are just as draining as those cups of coffee, man.
Ahh, it’s that once a year indulgence after all. Appreciate it while it lasts! πŸ™‚