it's a wrap!

just another manic monday…

Despair, that darkness

Head groggy from too much sleep. Heart dulled with heartache. Sobs racked my body. Disappointment and pain ravaged my heart. Silent screams filling my mind.
I looked for small mercies. I looked for things to be thankful for. I searched for gratitude to be alive and breathing.
But at this moment, I couldn’t. Couldn’t see beyond that curtain of darkness that has swung around my head and blocked out all light. Try as I might, I couldn’t lift the blanket of despair.
I lifted my arms, I want to call for help.
Now tell me again, why did God make everyone of us long for a soul mate?
Why?
What happens when you cannot find he/she? What happens if you have to live alone for the rest of your life? The longing goes unfulfilled. The very darkness that just sucks the life out of you, all that joie de vivre out of your very existence.
I cannot live an hour without it coming to haunt me, cannot go through a day without it returning to taunt me. Time heals? *laughs mirthlessly
It but dulls the sharp edge of pain. I will never quite forget the sharp stab of pain.
Is this my consequence of being too hopeful? Is this my consequence of being too trusting?
Wishful thinking. That was what my mom alwaysss cautions me again. Too much of that too maybe.
In spite of it all, I guess the small sliver of hope, that ray of hope is still trying to penetrate through to my gloominess and my darkness.
I cannot say how long it’ll take it to be able to do it. But eventually, it will. I still say this despite being in the murky, inky gloominess, close to bursting into tears any any point.
My promise stays. If not it, then none at all. I know that none will be able to take the place.
Am I stubborn? Maybe. Am I silly? A little. Am I foolish? Definitely.

2 Comments»

  ashleewong wrote @

Thanks. Point 20) and 25) taken, point of the post.


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