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just another manic monday…

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stop running, stop hiding

Call it an epiphany (I didn’t even realize I know the word till I needed to write it!), call it a revelation, call it what you may. A realization, maybe.

Whenever I get heartaches, people hurt me, I shy away, I turn around and I walk away. I psych-talk myself into thinking and feeling its not that big a deal, do not make a scene. Just quietly slip away.

I have been doing that all my life. And in the past, I grew to resent the people I am with because I hid so much of my hurts, my disappointments, my I’m-not-ok-with-this from them.

It became a habit to ask for those emotions to be taken away, it became a habit to tiptoe around things I love because I was afraid to lose them, afraid that once they see how much they mean to me, they turn tail and sprint the other way. It became a habit to always, always hold back.

Yes, I am disappointed, I am hurt. It feels like a knife is being stuck into my heart and twisted intentionally, slowly. Almost to a physical pain.

This time, I am not going to run anymore. I am going to stand my ground and I am going to face it. Face my heart and what it’s really feeling. No running away, no hiding. No more.

It’s time to face it.

one of those things

My weekend did not go as I anticipated but it was one of those things that went wrong and turned out unexpectedly alright after all! πŸ™‚

A group off us thought of trying out something we’ve not done before and we decided to go try out the ATV Adventure (All Terrain Vehicle).

I was leaning towards horse riding, but anyway that didn’t fly with some.

We were celebrating a few birthdays together this weekend, with mini surprises incorporated into it for some.

Initial Plan:

1) Pick Up – checked.
2) Surprise to be given at Breakfast Venue – checked. Slight delay, one car got lost.
3) Yummy breakfast – checked. With the works!
4) Drive to the ATV Adventure Park – checked. No getting lost..
5) ATV! – checked. Unforeseen accident.
6) Light Lunch – scrapped. Went to the doctor’s nearby for a checkup for the accident-ee.
7) Rest & freshen up for dinner – scrapped. We forgot to take the accident-ee’s travel bag with us! Drove back to the ATV park to collect it.
8) Cake Collection on the way to dinner – change of plans. Collected it on the way back after getting the travel bag.
9) Dinner out – scrapped. Everybody was too tired. Ordered in.
10) Drinks – scrapped. We stayed home to cut the cake, pass out the presents and pillow talked.

It all started with picking up from the various pick up points. And then breakfast. One car got lost and ended up in another destination altogether. That delayed breakfast a little.

When they reached, the beautiful little surprise worked superbly well! Our friend came back from China to give one of the birthday girls a surprise! There was the classic shocked/registering presence/ hugs/tears scenario, by the book!

Great breakfast, with the works, fluffy pancakes, fresh colourful fruits, French toasts, eggs, mind jarring coffee! After gales of laughter, a thoroughly noisy meal and photo taking, we set out on our little adventure.

It took us around an hour to reach our destination,, the ATV Park. We geared up, got our pointers for the vehicle, went a couple of test rounds, and off we went! I was gripping on to the brakes fro dear life initially, not daring to accelerate too much up those bumpy roads and sliding down steep inclines. But after getting the hang of the vehicle and how it’s constructed, I started to enjoy navigating the terrain and even managed to admire the tall bamboo plants, forming a graceful green arch above. We stopped by a small waterfall, the water was cold, my friend dipped her foot in. It was pleasant, sounds of the forest, lazily floating by. We were separated into 2 batches of 3 for the journey back. I was among the 1st batch.

We were getting all camera ready to snap pictures of the rest of them, and we waited. The call that came next almost gave us a heart attack, one of our friends got into an accident! Our hearts racing, we ran down the path, greeted by the sight of our dazed friend on the guide’s vehicle. We checked her for wounds anxiously.

She looked blank and asked repeatedly if her crash was serious and if she was hurt badly, she didn’t remember anything. We took her to a doctor nearby to do a check up, doc says nothing to worry about, gave her an anti-tetanus jab and sent her on her way. We had a quick lunch of fishball noodles nearby.

Then we headed back to get some much needed rest before the night’s dinner. Only to find out that the accident-ee’s bag is LEFT behind at the ATV Park! After a few calls, confirming that it’s there, a couple of us took to the road again, braved the traffic, narrow winding roads, praying that we’ll make it back out before dark, collected the bag and headed off.

We picked up the birthday cake on the way home, got another call to say, we are cancelling dinner and staying in for the night! Yays! I think the couple of us were just secretly heaving sighs of relief. Bone tired, that we were.

Once we reached our “holiday villa” for the night, we jumped into the showers to wash all the dirt and grime off our sticky bodies. While waiting for the food to arrive, we passed out the birthday gifts and watched the slideshow presentation the organizer did. Filmed the whole process of the birthday girls ooh-ing and aah-ing watching the video and their delight at the gifts! Girls will be girls, so fulfilling to see their happy, appreciative faces! πŸ™‚

The food arrived! We devoured them like vultures falling on their prey. Ahhh, so satisfying.

Cake cutting ceremony, photo posing/shooting/laughing at candid moment times.

Lazily eating the cake, we chatted, laughed adjourned from the dining table to the couch and continued the stories, while eyelids slowly falling milimetre by milimetre as time ticked by.

Our pillow talk ended at the grand hour of half past 12am!

Ahh, the glories of youth when pillow talks use to end at the minimum hour of 3am, are long gone.

Waking up, refreshed by the hours of sleep, we took our time getting ready, went for much needed fuel for the day, a meal of bak kut teh and sent our friends to catch a plane and a train respectively.

Conversations and laughter peppered the journey throughout. I’ll never cease to marvel at the wonders of my decades old friendships!

This weekend will stand out as one of the gems of 2012. It definitely taught me that, things that don’t turn out exactly as you planned it to, might not necessary be that bad! We had our shares of stomach curling laughter anyhow, and we have something to laugh about for the next 30 years Β πŸ™‚

Faces of Hong Kong

Some elderly men at the top of the stairs leading to the MTR station, near Causeway Bay. They look upon the world with weariness, as if they’ve seen it all and was tired of them all.
This being one of my favourite photograph. The lady sings her heart out, and she has a oh so sweet voice. She sang, brimming with hope. Ah, yes, she may have been through harsh times, yes, she has loved and lost. But any minute now, when she turns the corner, favour will be upon her and she’ll find joy! Any minute now. She has seen so much of the dreariness of life yet has not lost hope.
A little boy throwing his tantrum in the middle of the wet pavement. It was drizzling. He was pissed! A single glance at the face told me that, but I could not resist taking his photograph as he stomp on the ground. Ahh, the blissful ignorance of a child. Maybe I wouldn’t be so amused if it was my child. But I was amused with this child that particular day. Maybe it was just the holiday mood.

This little girl’s school had just let out. Her mom was speaking to another lady, she was waiting with her hair caught up in pig tails, munching on a snack. Peeking curiously at something, I caught her just at that particular angle. Such a pretty little one, she’s going to grow up to be a real heart-breaker!

what we pray for

Just read a forwarded mail: 3 Trees
Oh, how lofty and high their dreams and ambitions were. Not unlike when I was little and the teacher asked our class what our ambitions and dreams were. Some will say, “My ambition is to be a pilot”. Some, “My ambition is to be a doctor”. A lawyer, a nurse, a teacher. I remember mine was to be a neurosurgeon in primary.
Back to the little 3 trees. One wanted to be filled with the finest treasures on earth, but was made into a feed box in a manger, one wanted to carry the great kings and queens of the world but was made into a fishing boat, one wanted to be the biggest, tallest, strongest tree, reach and be close to God, but was cut up into pieces and left in a barn.
In the end, Tree One nestled the baby born on Christmas day, Tree Two carried the humble carpenter, King of Kings and Tree Three was the beam from which the King gave up His right.
In the end, each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they imagined.
I am thinking of all those times when I asked, why, why have I been asking for something for so many years and I don’t see it happening?
Could it be, could it just be that I will get what I want, just not in the way I thought I would?
Well, dare I hope?

Silvery Cool Ring

I recently bought this ring. I have always loved the wide-eyed look of owls and their wisdom. I always wonder why owls are being associated with wisdom. Who thought of that? Why?
Well, this particular piece caught my attention as the owl had a huge (relativity, in comparison with its size) pearl in the middle of it’s belly. Its silvery cool with cold black eyes. It looks stand-offish enough for a cocktail party.
Got if off a relatively new accessories blog:


Ok, To be honest, I never actually gave much thought to this when some of friends tell me they suffer from this to explain their mood swings and anger. It was merely a passing thought. I personally have never been much of a victim to mood swings and stuff like that. Until today.

Excerpt from Wikipedia (I love Wikipedia by the way! No to SOPA 😦 )
“Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) (also called PMT or premenstrual tension) is a collection of physical and emotional symptoms related to a woman’s menstrual cycle. The specific emotional and physical symptoms attributable to PMS vary from woman to woman, but each individual woman’s pattern of symptoms is predictable, occurs consistently during the ten days prior to menses, and vanishes either shortly before or shortly after the start of menstrual flow.
More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness).”

I called up my best friend and ranted about something, went all emotional and angry, complete with tears and a bit of sobs. In the middle of the conversation I said, I think I have PMS. She replied in a serious tone, “Yes, I think you do too. Because if you take a step back and think about it, it’s actually not that big a deal.”
And I went, hey, yeah, it is not thattttt bad actually. So why was I ALL worked up and distraught? Hmmm. I credit it (or rather blame it!) on the silly syndrome. Nothing to do with my nature at all. *smug


L’arc-en-ciel, the arch in the sky literally. it refers to the rainbow.
I cannot quite fathom why colourless, invisible light can be shattered into so many prisms of colour.
I cannot say I have found a singel person who hated the rainbow. But I have encountered many whom even though they have no inkling of it’s symbolic meaning, find hope in it. That is a mystery.
I guess that’s the one more of the many million things that I do not understand.
Oh it’s a good thing. The world loses it’s mystery if everything could be understaood so easily.
I guess that’s why there are many mysteries kept locked up, of some get revealed in due course, of some we will never know the ryhme and reason.
Maybe if all things were revealed, there is nothing left to look forward to, we already know what’s happening. There is no need for hope. NO hope. How dreary a picture that paints. And when there’s hope, then we have faith to sustain us. Faith to lead us through the uncertainties today to hope for a better tomorrow! πŸ™‚